Love, Marriage, and Baby Carriages

As Valentine’s Day approaches, a topic heavy on my heart is loving our children. I know this seems silly as we more often think of romantic love; but hindsight is 20/20 and, as I walk along trying to parent a prodigal as well as other children, I want to share some things I have learned along the way. As an older woman (if you can call 29 older…wink, cough, cough), I hope that the things I have learned can encourage, instruct, and help you as you walk your path. I always say that time flies when measured by growing babies and we only get a very short amount of time to influence them. All of those sleepless nights and laundry piles may be one day wished for again…I know, I am not there yet either! These suggestions are not in a particular order, just as the Spirit leads me through the things on my heart.

While it feels like you will ALWAYS have three in diapers, NEVER be able to shower or catch up on laundry, and you can’t remember what being rested feels like, I tell you…time is flying by. We often cannot see the years for the days, but your children are growing so fast and the time we have with them in our homes is really so short. Engage with them, play, snuggle, read, listen to them, and talk with them. Make the time to do this with them now so that when they are older, they will still come to you and talk and share their lives with you. We can “one more thing” or “just a minute” ourselves to death. These things never end and they are important, but they will still be there. One day, our children will be gone and we cannot turn back or stop THAT clock.

Children do childish things. Learn to determine what is childish and what needs discipline. This is one area where I feel like I really failed one of my children. He was always busy and active, getting into things, creating concoctions and secret “formlias”. Do not overreact to childish things. I know you’re tired, I know it is a mess, something may have been ruined, etc…but grabbing your child’s heart is much more valuable and trying to see it through their eyes is time very well spent. “What were you thinking buddy? What were you trying to do?” Clean up the mess together and lovingly guide your child to see a better way this could have gone or provide an outlet for their busyness, creativity, and inventiveness.

The flip side of this coin is discipline. I am not going to go into methods here…we can all find countless resources to help us there. I would rather encourage you to be consistent and calm in your discipline. When you are consistent, your child knows what to expect and can respond to that. When we are too tired, busy or even lazy, our children learn that sometimes we mean what we say and other times we don’t. If we wait until we explode in a rage, we are both exasperating our children and teaching them to listen and respond only when we hit a certain point. Remember, you are modeling behavior for your children. Instead of a feeling of dread…”I’ve become my mother,” wouldn’t it be sweet to have your grown child sigh peacefully and say that with a sense of great joy? The cost is small now and the reward is great later down the way. Try not to lose sight of that in the trenches of mothering.

We all blow it. We lose our temper, we make mistakes, and we hurt those we love. As soon as possible, go to your child and make a sincere apology. Do not look for ways to justify what happened, cover it up, or make it seem like it was nothing. “I am sorry, I was wrong, will you forgive me?” This models another behavior that is so important…repentance. True repentance restores broken relationship and opens up communication.

Be there, Momma. Get off the gadgets, shut down Facebook, and be there for your children. Your children will not remember if you had a Pinterest-worthy home with over the top birthday parties and the best holiday themed decorations. They will remember the silly crafts you did together, the snuggle times, the books you read, how you pretended to grumble when they sneaked into your coffee, or the way you held them when they were sick. As I have said before, time is short. Be there…show them they are more important than your computer, phone, television, or whatever your THING is.

Tell them you love them…A LOT! Don’t just assume they know. Tell them as often as you can, even if they don’t want to receive it…tell them! Adopt code words to tell them if it is embarrassing to hear I LOVE YOU in front of others, but tell them you love them. They really need to hear it, they need to feel it, and they need to see your love in action. Do not make your love a conditional reward of their behavior…love them.

Precious Momma, if I could leave you with one final bit of advice, it would be to invite a woman into your life to mentor you. Scripture says that the older women are to teach the younger women and our generation of Mommas has suffered because many do not have anyone to go to for help. I KNOW that I have not had enough wisdom in my experience to do things as I should and there are areas where my family has suffered as a result of that. I am so blessed, though, to have a beautiful mentor in my life who I can count on to give me wise and godly counsel and to be for me and my family. She does not give me the counsel I want or whatever is popular. She gives me the counsel I need, that comes from above and out of her life that is steeped in the Word of God. She always points me to Christ. I know she prays for me often. My parenting is better because I have been vulnerable and shared some ugly things about myself and my family. She helps me to stand in victory when I am tired and cannot stand on my own. She encourages me to be a better wife, mother and woman of God. It is hard to admit you need help, hard to let others see the dirty places in your life, hard to let others see your sin, but there is great strength and support in the vulnerability. There is great wisdom in God’s plan for us!